Sunday, April 11, 2010

Waiting in the wings

Yesterday, as I was driving home from an Easter break visit at my parents', my mind was filled with images from various novels that I've got simmering. My life has been so busy of late, that I've only had time to capture little snippets on paper here and there, and I've been (almost literally) itching to get in some really solid writing time.

I knew it was going to be a little crazy because I was homeschooling again, but this year surpassed any sort of craziness I anticipated and zapped almost all of my creative time and energy. I'm not complaining, just stating a fact, but the time is coming when I'll be able to restore some of that balance and get back to a routine that includes working towards my writing goals on a more regular basis. This anticipation has led to tingling fingers and a buzzing brain: my time is coming!

I hate not being able to write as much as I want, because that's when the discouraging internal dialogue and anxiety set in. I question my ability to tell a story, or begin doubting things like my knowledge of basic sentence structure and grammar. The less I write, the worse I feel, so the only antidote is to keep writing!

In truth, I don't have time to waste on that pesky fellow in my head who is more than happy to voice his opinion of my less than stellar abilities - you know what I'm talking about, right? (Please tell me I'm not the only one!) I can't afford to listen to that niggling, pessimistic voice. He's been getting a little loud lately, so I know that it's time to get cracking and finish my fun little MG novel. I had originally set a goal to have something ready to query by the end of this month, but I know I'm not going to make it, so it's been good to re-evaluate and see what can actually be done.

In the spirit of re-evaluation, I've switched my goal to coincide with the end of the school year. It's still ambitious, but I need to nourish my creative self, and squelch the evil naysayer on my shoulder. And I'm excited! Sometimes it's necessary to put myself aside to take care of the pressing needs of my busy family, but at the same time, it's important to remember to take care of me. It's a delicate balance, but I think I do a good job of maintaining harmony between my desire for a happy family and a happy self.

When I was in high school and university, I was involved in a number of drama productions. Sometimes I had a small role, other times I played one of the leads, but no matter what I did, I was excited to be backstage, waiting to go on. In some ways, I still feel like I'm involved in an elaborate production as an invaluable secondary character singing and dancing my way through motherhood. I may not always be the most graceful person out there, but I'm loving being on the stage and one day the spotlight will actually be on me! (Hard to believe sometimes, but still true.)

Although publication may not happen as quickly as I'd like, I'm always keeping my greatest accomplishment -my family- in full view. This anchors me and keeps me on an even keel when I feel my dream of a "writer's life" (such as it is, haha) slipping away. Everything else will fall into place in due time if I'm any good at all. The excitement of impending creative time is what keeps me going when I'm a little weary and worse for wear.

What keeps you happy and gives you the ability to plug away when the world is seemingly conspiring against you? I'd love to hear it!


Friday, April 2, 2010

A wee game of tag

Howdy y'all! I'm feeling badly that I've been too busy to write anything of interest lately, but most days, I haven't even checked my email until nighttime. Crazy!

I've had my nose to the grindstone for the last 2 weeks with schooling in general and with #1's online Math10 course (well, aside from the usual busy-ness, along with a pneumonia-ridden husband, kids with varying degrees of colds, etc, etc...)*. I'm pleased to report that she finished with a 98.5% average and is excited to move on to 11th grad math. She's a smart one, let me tell ya.

I know I'm not supposed to admit to this sort of thing, but the more mature, enlightened and less bitter part of me is refraining from writing an in-your-face letter to the old school division that wouldn't let her take the darned course in the first place. Don't worry, mom. I would never do it. Especially since she wants to re-register here to finish out the year with her bandmates. :o)

So, since my brain is swimming with all kinds of formulas, I'm doing something fun. Michelle Teacress tagged me the other day (and since I've been pretty useless coming up with posts of my own...), I'll fill in the blanks and tag three others.

I like... the smell of clean laundry.

I like... the special kind of love that kids have for their mom.

I like... to laugh.

I like... when justice prevails.

I like... my pink, fuzzy, polka dot pyjamas.

I like... nighttime.

I like... eating tuna with tortilla chips.

I like... wearing high heels.

I like... wearing polka dots. They make me so happy!

I like... raisin toast with peanut butter. Mmmm, I'm hungry.

I like... my kids being home for the holidays.

I like... the television to off during the day.

I love... being a stay at home mom.

Today was... long, yet it went by too quickly!

I dislike... talking on the phone.

I dislike... movies that are awesome but that I can't show my kids because of the foul language, or that "one scene". Grr, so annoying that moviemakers can't have a good story without throwing in unnecessary adult content. *shakes fist at Hollywood*

I dislike... parent/teacher conferences that accompany the four reporting periods in the school year. If my kids are doing well, send me a note, and if they're doing poorly, just let me know. Oh, wait. Isn't that what the report card is for??? Waste. Of. My. Time. Seriously. (I'm sorry, I know some of you readers are teachers, and have to follow school policy or whatever. I don't blame teachers. I generally love teachers, and I originally went to school to be one. And I love you. Okay? Okay.)

I hate... tasteless jokes.

I dislike... my family using eighteen million cups between the time they get home from school and bedtime. Who needs 4 water glasses??? Little stinkers.

I dislike... when the internet conks out on me.

I dislike... mornings.

I dislike... really windy days.

I love... dancing to loud music.

I love... reading.

I now tag:

Roxy at A Woman's Write (she also happens to have a great contest going on right now - check it out!)
Lisa at Confessions of a writing mama
Christine at Day Dreamer

*I know, I'm just full of all kinds of excuses, aren't I?